2004 Downsville Report


Well, at least the weather was nice.For the first time in the history of our trips to Downsville, the gang went fishless.The gang was quick to blame Ed.Much like his love life, he so looks forward to this once a year trip that he can barely contain his excitement and premature scheduling resulted.The consensus was that we arrived before the stocking with the water high, fast and cold.The water report came early from Mr. Swedler who decided to confirm that the water was indeed high, fast and cold by taking a swim in it.With all the grace of a sack of doorknobs he stumbled into the icy depths.Luckily, I forgot to bring the vodka so Ken still had some motor function when he took his dip.With some assistance from Barry, who hoisted him out by his petards, Ken was dragged to safety.When I arrived Thursday, I found him basking seal-like on the sunny riverbank.And he wonders why he is the B-Team.


After the appropriate amount of fortification, we turned to the evening's main event, DYB.Ed kept insisting that there were too few people for DYB, and boy was he right.It was like a scene from HBO's Oz.He did not win a single hand, losing eight straight and squealing the whole time.Kipping also took a beating that evening.Barry shafted him so many times that he had to check his backside on Friday morning to see if Barry's name was tattooed on it.At one point in the evening Kipping had lost all three of his piles of money putting him out of the game before any other player had lost a single pile.Say my name bitch.


On Friday morning we fished hard wading a lengthy section of the icy East Brach of the Delaware from morning until early afternoon.We caught no fish.Thanks Ed.After lunch, Ed & Ken headed for their nap and Kipping and I introduced Barry to Dukes (The "Office").All seemed to be proceeding rather well.We met a dashing and scholarly gentlemen from Pennsylvania who advised us of a spot where he caught good quantities of fish two weeks earlier.However, when we emerged from Dukes hours later to take a shot at the dusk bite, I noticed a marked decrease in coordination.I was puzzled that it took me about 20 minutes to tie my leader to my line.I cut my fingers and the standing end of the line before I finally cut the tag and was ready to go.I was concerned that Barry and John had a 20-minute lead on me and had probably fished out the hole.My fears were quickly allayed.I descended the bank to discover Mr. Kipping laying on the bank, apparently finding that much easier than standing in a river.After stumbling around in the river for a while (catching no fish, thanks Ed), we decided to have a beer on Al Sr.'s deck and watch the sun go down (easier and more productive than fishing).†† Spirits were high.Even the usually somewhat reserved Barry was surprisingly animated.He found a dead mink which, after smashing his truck into the covered bridge, he placed squarely on Mr. Butler's windshield when we got back to the schoolhouse.A good laugh was had by all when Ed, who is admittedly not much of an outdoorsman, found the critter on his windshield.Meanwhile, at the schoolhouse, a newbie made the mistake of ordering salmon instead of beef like the men and was thereafter mocked almost to the point of tears. It never fails.


The evening's entertainment again turned to the card table.Fishman, who brings his own professional poker chips to a back woods poker game, was again the big winner. His win is under protest, however due to his underhanded tactics.He broke the concentration of the other players by unleashing chemical weapons that Saddam only wished he had.He was indeed Rick James, bitch.Itís just a shame that we did not give him a Charlie Murphy beating.


Joe even brought up a young hairless boy for initiation into this legendary trip.Clem (NAMBLA) really seemed to take a shine to the boy as they chased each other around the house.As always, Joe was a gracious host cooking and cleaning for everyone.Except for being butt ugly and having an unhealthy affection for firearms, he makes a great wife.


All in all, it was another great trip even if we did not catch any fish.Thanks Ed.